Beautiful.

I don't feel beautiful. I feel like I'm putting on weight. I need someone to slap me into going to the gym. Who? Me. I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel like I can't pull off certain outfits. I look at others and wonder why I'm not as tiny as them. I wonder how I can get there. I've been asked if I would consider gastric bypass...by my mother. I can't stand this, sometimes. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't smile. I try to change things...but I'm not immediately satisfied. I want to lose 30lbs...for myself. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel worthy.